To Ponder in October

What's Going On In There?

 

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have a really hard time managing their behavior?
 

If you can relate to this, you may find that you feel almost compelled to try to physically control the outside world based on your emotions. For instance, when you feel sad, you may try to do something to lead someone else to feel sad (i.e., say something cruel, take something from them, give them bad news, etc.). When you feel disrespected, you might immediately do something disrespectful to someone else (i.e., call them a name, hit them, ignore them, etc.).

 

Visit www.thelittletonbrothers.com

 

 

Unfortunately, reacting in this manner often leads to painful consequences for you and the people around you.

 

We'd like you to think about processing and allowing yourself to fully experience those emotions internally. After you have had a chance to consider why you feel the way you do (on a deeper level than what was said or done to you in that moment) and validate those emotions, we think you may stand a better chance of choosing a behavior that is more appropriate for the situation you're in.

 

Often, we can physically feel certain emotions in different parts of our body. Some people, when angry, can feel their jaw tighten or the urge to ball their hands into fists. When frightened or nervous, people often speak of feeling their "stomach drop", their heart race, or their throat tighten. When excited, people often feel the urge to smile, laugh, or even jump up and down.

 

Let's say you become angry that you are being asked to do something else at work because you think you're doing too much as it is and one more assignment will simply overwhelm you.

 

 

 

 

 

As your supervisor begins to say, "Hey, by the way, could you also...?" in order to request another project from you, you may start to feel those old tell-tale signs that you're becoming angry. Your jaw may tighten, you may bite your lip or wipe your face with your hand.

 

In this situation, the first thing we think it's helpful to do is recognize what's going on inside that head (and body) of yours!

 

Oh, man. I'm feeling really angry.

 

Now, once we've recognized the emotion, take a second to let yourself know it's okay to feel that emotion, no matter what it is! And think about why you feel that way (what other emotions are buried beneath the anger?). Even respect the urges you may have to react right away.

 

And it is understandable and okay for me to feel angry. I feel that way because I'm disappointed and shocked that I just got back from vacation and the first thing I have to do when I get back is play "Catch Up" because I expected my team to help cover my work while I was gone. I really want to get up and quit or even scream at her right now!

 

Now that you've identified what you're feeling (anger, frustration, irritation), and what thinking lead you to feel that way (You expected at least some of your work to be covered on your vacation, but it doesn't seem like any of it was, and you get disappointed and shocked when your expectations aren't met, especially when they have been in the past), now you may be in a better frame of mind to choose to do something that's more appropriate for the situation so that you don't sour your relationship with your supervisor and / or lose your job completely!

 

"I will get on that as soon as I can. I hope you can understand that I'm overwhelmed today because I just got back and it doesn't look like any of my work was covered while I was gone. I'm scrambling to get a week's worth of work done in eight hours."


 

 

At this point, you may have started a conversation about why your work wasn't covered or your supervisor might even tell you that she didn't mean it all had to be done today, she just wanted you to be able to have a list of your assignments for the week. You could also excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to give yourself a few minutes to breathe and validate your anger so that you can calm down a bit before speaking with your supervisor or getting back to work.

 

In the future, when you go on vacation, you might do well to not expect (though you might hope) that your work will be covered while you're gone. This way, there wouldn't be quite so much disappointment or surprise if the work doesn't get covered. Another way to avoid a situation such as this is to let your expectations be known before you leave for vacation. Ask for help from your supervisor and other colleagues covering your responsibilities so that you don't return to a sea of things to do after such a relaxing vacation. These are just a couple of ways you can take care of yourself when it comes to your emotional and behavioral health.

 

What other methods have you (seen) used to deal with intense emotions? Leave a comment!