To Ponder in March

The Luckiest Attitude

You may have met people in your life who seem to have "all the luck". They may work at a company they respect, have a well-paying job that they enjoy, and live in their dream home with a spouse whom they are madly in love with.

While it certainly does seem like there are times when things appear to fall in place, and other times when things seem to just fall apart, keep in mind that our own attitudes and beliefs can have an affect on how those around us treat us. 

Take a marketing position for example. Monique is fresh out of school, not an ounce of experience under her belt besides a stint of work study in the library at her university. Katie is a marketing veteran who was laid off when her old agency was downsizing due to economic constraints and has now been unemployed for nearly six months. 

If Monique is positive and hopeful, she stands to be a real contender in a match for the position. Because of her bright outlook, she's likely to give off more signals and show more concrete body language during her interview that will actually increase the chances that she gets the job. Positive people have a brighter tone of voice, make more appropriate eye contact, have a more open and welcoming demeanor, appear to be more competent and capable, hold their heads higher, have a more firm handshake, and smile more. All of these characteristics make someone more likely to get hired, or at least considered, for a position, regardless of their level of experience. It's kind of like seeing a sculpture in a plain block of marble because you know you have the basic materials you need to mold it into whatever you want. The same can go for people. Everyone has the ability to be trained to fulfill a certain position, but if the person doing the hiring doesn't see the potential and positive attitude, they'll probably be less likely to invest the time and energy into doing so. 

If Katie, due to her lengthy unemployment status, comes to the interview, she may have the mentality of someone who has already been rejected. She is not likely to have a confident, friendly demeanor. She's more apt to speak in a lower tone of voice (which can sometimes convey uncertainty or passivity), have a limp handshake, not make eye contact very often / at all, and give short answers as though she wants the interview to be over with as quickly as possible. The hiring manager may wonder if she's hiding something, whether or not she really wants the job, or even if she's lied on her resume to get as far as she has. They may wonder if they can trust her to take lead on any projects because she's coming off as so passive and cold. 

Katie's attitude can influence the perpetuation of her circumstances. Because she seems so unsure, melancholy, and passive, she doesn't get hired. This simply adds to her negative emotions and perceptions regarding her job search, which is the problem that lead to her not being hired, and the cycle goes on and on. 

Going into each situation you encounter in life with confidence and hope can lead to great benefits and many more positive interactions with others, even if they don't result in more concrete results like a job, romantic relationship, application acceptance, etc. Taking a deep breath and telling yourself that you have all the tools to be successful at whatever you're going to attempt can make the difference between feeling as though you have the best luck in the world, versus the worst luck. 

For those of you who are willing to make a change for the sake of yourself and your family, the following outlines two activities that you can complete to help turn towards having a more positive outlook on your current life circumstances and your future prospects. 

 

Seven-Day Challenge

For seven straight days, sit down at the end of each night and write down the pleasant emotions (appreciated, joyful, loved, calm, challenged, powerful, confident, etc.), the unpleasant emotions (disrespected, sad, disappointed, angry, disgusted, irritated, nervous, etc.), the pleasant events (found a dollar in the laundry, gave a great presentation at work, called your best friend, booked your next cruise, went to see a good movie, had a smooth commute home, turned in a class assignment on time, etc.), and the unpleasant events (hit shin on the coffee table, was late to work, stumbled getting onto the subway, dug into savings account because you were short on cash, had a fight with your teenager about curfew, ate too many calories for the day, lost your keys, etc.).

 

You can use the following table to help you organize your notes: 

 

MON   |   TUE   |   WED   |   THU   |   FRI   |   SAT   |   SUN

 

What Happened?		How Did You Feel?
Pleasant	Unpleasant	Pleasant	Unpleasant

 So, if you start on a Tuesday, print this table, circle 'TUE' and keep the sheet with you to record throughout the day, or just reflect at the end of each day. Your first entry might be something like, "Cashier didn't screw up my order at the cafe" in the 'Pleasant' column of the 'What Happened?' side. Then, in the 'Pleasant' column of the 'How Did You Feel?' side, you might put emotions like 'relieved', 'satisfied', 'grateful', and / or 'calm'.

After doing this for a week, gather your sheets for all seven days and take a look at what unpleasant emotions seem to be popping up the most for you. While it might be helpful to try to determine why you consistently feel this emotion (anger, inadequacy, embarrassment, etc.), for now, just note what comes up the most and write it on the page you used on the seventh day. 

 

Thirty-Day Challenge

Now, do the exact same thing as you did in the Seven-Day Challenge, but add to it the seeking of benefits that might have come from your unpleasant events. For instance, if you had your spouse going on a mandatory business trip as an unpleasant event because you miss them, try to think about the positive side of getting to have some alone time to reflect and unwind, focus on activities that you and your spouse don't necessarily do together, or getting a chance to complete errands or tasks that have been piling up, such as cleaning the gutters or clearing the garage of clutter. Sometimes, you might even learn something about yourself that you can use to make better decisions in the future. For example, if you find that you are losing your keys on a nearly daily basis, you might stop and think about how to fix that problem. Maybe you start putting your keys on the hook near your front door instead of throwing them on the couch or floor where they get lost or kicked around. Then you may notice a decline in the frustration you felt each morning that you spent an extra ten minutes just looking for your keys because you've actually examined and addressed the problem head on. 

You can use the table below to help organize your thoughts throughout this part of the challenge: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30

What Happened?		How Did You Feel?
Pleasant	Unpleasant	Pleasant	Unpleasant

 

After doing this with each unpleasant event for 30 days, take a look back at the week before you started the 30-day challenge. How frequently are you feeling those more unpleasant emotions after 30 days of benefit-seeking reflection?

If you decide to challenge yourself in these ways, feel free to come back and let us know how it worked out! Thanks for reading!